Decisions, decisions, decisions!

Big changes are underway for our family!  I've had this post sitting in drafts for weeks, waiting for everything to become official and public so that I could share the details.

Living and working in Canada allows me the opportunity to take a one year maternity/parental leave with benefits which, while not the same as full salary, make it possible to live fairly comfortably while staying home with the baby.  If we choose, my husband and I can split the leave.  I was able to stay home for 15 months with Lovey before going back to work.  I always wished that there was a way for Chris to enjoy part of the leave, but it just didn't make sense financially at the time.

This time is different.  Chris's employer is implementing a pay cut.  He works 5 days per week + overtime (for which he is not paid - long story).  I am fortunate to have a job in which I make a similar salary to Chris while working 60% of full time - 3 days per week during the school year only.  When we look at the numbers, with a pay cut, it just doesn't seem to make sense for him to work 5 + days, and miss so much family time, when I could work 3 days per week and bring in only a little bit less of income.  (Reading this makes me think about how private people tend to be about finances and incomes and such, and stigmas/judgments about who makes more or less than their partner - does that stuff still happen?!?!)

And thus we began considering the possibility of me returning to work early.  Here is my pros and cons list:

Cons of going back to work early:

- breastfeeding/attachment relationship may be affected (Bug will be 4 months old)

- pumping - UGH!

- lack of sleep + work = ???

- 1.5-2 hours of commute time 3 days/week will affect family time and routine on those days

- financial impact = we'll definitely be taking a hit requiring creative budgeting

Pros of going back to work early:

- more family time together - 4 days per week and the summer

- more balanced responsibilities

- Chris has the opportunity to stay home (and he is an amazing father and will benefit, as would the boys, from all the time he will have with them)

- short work period (about 40 days total in 3 months, and then the summer off)
- fairly flexible work schedule (I can pick which days I work, to some degree)

- less pension to pay back
- opportunity to travel together in the summer (Chris doesn't get summers off like me and has limited vacation time) = Road Trip!!!

How much is our time together as a family worth?  What it really comes down to is this:  we will never again have an opportunity to spend so much time together with our babies.  This is a once-in-a-lifetime stage in our lives.  Working 3 days per week so that we can have 4 days per week and a whole summer together is really a sweet deal.  I can pump, I've done it before (for a 15 month old so not as intensive, let's say, but it's doable).  I can cope with the lack of sleep and make up for it on my days off.  Chris is very supportive and I know he will help me as much as he can.  We live fairly frugally anyway, so the financial piece should be workable. 

We've both given our notice to our employers, so it's a done deal.  I'm back to work April 4th.  Now we just have to iron out the details, and I have time to work through the anxiety I feel about being away from my youngest baby for 3 days per week!!!  Truth be told, I'm pretty excited - about going back to work and a job that I truly enjoy and about all the possibilities for our family over the next 8 months!

Withdrawal Is An Ugly, Nasty B!%@#

And it turns me into one.  Luckily my very patient and supportive husband is aware of the forces that are currently at work here.  We remember this from last time - gluten withdrawal.  Since learning of my own sensitivity to gluten and as a result of previous attempts to go gluten-free, I definitely noticed a connection between removing gluten and my mood.  First, I am a total mess going off of it, and second, I am a happier, more energetic person once I get through the withdrawal.  I have actually wondered how much my past struggles with depression might be connected to my consumption of gluten.  If anyone had told me years ago how much different foods we eat can impact so many facets of health, I never would have believed or understood.  Now, after taking out certain foods and observing the changes, I'm a believer.  (It doesn't make it any easier, though.)

I have spent most of this evening in tears.  We found blood in Bug's diaper today.  The tiniest little streaks, but very much there and bringing me right back to the hell of 2 years ago.  How can this be happening again?  I thought we were getting so close to figuring things out.

So with the withdrawal, the discouragement, the tail-end of the nastiest flu I've had in a very long time, and the typical sleep deprivation of motherhood, let's just say I'm not a big ball of fun and happiness right now.

Contemplating An E.D.

Well, here we go again.  E.D. = Elimination Diet.  We've made some progress but we continue to see symptoms of food reactions with Bug.  Every time we seem to be getting close to "baseline," there is a setback.  It doesn't help when I do stupid things like eat food at a retirement party and, though I remembered to ask if there was dairy in it, I totally forgot about soy.  Of course there was soy on that chicken.  And, I should really just pass on food prepared by anyone else because the reality is that there is always the chance that the staff misunderstood or is not fully informed about hidden ingredients, cross-contamination, etc.  I need to stock my purse with more snacks to keep me going when I am out of the house.

So last night I began thinking about starting another elimination diet - not as drastic as the one that I did with Lovey, but to help narrow things down a bit more.  I'm going to pick a few foods from each food group and take out the other common allergens (wheat/gluten, egg, corn, nuts, citrus, and fish/shellfish, which I don't touch anyway).  I'll have wheat-free oatmeal, green smoothies, rice and chicken or turkey, potatoes, carrots, and a list of about 20 or so foods and ingredients that I will limit myself to and cross my fingers that it isn't any of them.  Without the major allergens, you would think we should be ok. 

Do I want to do this?  Heck no, but it took us over 7 months to get on track with Lovey's sensitivities and meanwhile he was in discomfort and damage was being done while he was reacting.  He is still reacting to dairy.  My hope is that we can figure out what's going on with Bug much sooner - he is already 2 months old - and maybe even prevent any longer term problems.  I hate seeing him feeling so uncomfortable :(